A break from the renovations: My dating rant…or please date like a grown up.

A new acquaintance of mine is trying to set me up with her cousin. She just knows that we'll be perfect for each other. (Sound familiar ladies?)

I met this woman at a neighborhood meet and greet a few weeks ago and I believe she's taken it as a personal mission to fix me up. From the minute she described her cousin I was not impressed but because first impressions –especially second hand ones, are deceiving I was considering it. (Coffee first ladies- no night time dates- safety first)

My first rule is to go out with someone twice. Unless they're totally obnoxious or offending in some way, everyone can have a bad day, not everyone makes a first good impression and is usually nervous on a first date. If everything you were unsure of on the first date proves true on the 2^nd date then it's just not going to work.

I'm not much on dating because I still get nervous like a high school girl and like most women convince myself from the get go that he's just not going to like me. But that's not what really stops me. This is what stops me…. (*Disclaimer* this does not apply to all men and I'm not a man basher. There are wonderful, mature men out there who appreciate and respect women.)

This is how the scenario goes. They tell their friend about this bright, interesting, intelligent woman they know and they just have to meet her. They'll just love her! Then we meet. Well hell, I'm what they just traded in after X years of marriage. It's not that I'm unattractive but they're looking for babe material. They're looking to trade up. I'm what they just divorced. They're middle aged (like me) but want you to look 25 but still have the brains of a 47 year old. Well hell I'd like a go at Johnny Depp but ….I digress.

NOTE TO MEN - it shows on your face when we meet you. You'll either need to work on better disguising your facial reactions or make it clear to your friends that you don't wish to be fixed up with anyone older than 30- 35.

I'm a petite woman and try to always look good but I'm still in my late 40's. Not the Hollywood 40's- the real world 40's. And I've had two children –do the math. There are times I've described my body as sort of like watching a lava lamp. Slowly moving in directions dictated by gravity but still amazing to watch. (Taking dramatic license here folks, work with me)

It has an interesting beauty. It's given birth to humans and nursed babies. How cool is that? I understand that physical attraction is an important part of the way humans work but does it stop there?

I'm amazing, funny and really bright. I have all of my own teeth and can grasp the meaning of many multisyllabic words. I'm a wonderful mother and loyal friend. I use the proper utensils and have not been asked to leave even one of the finest and oldest restaurants in the country (Antoine's still being one of my favorites) for any type of slovenly behavior. I can speak intelligently on a number of subjects and keep abreast of current events and don't own a single tube top.

This leads to the 2^nd rant:

Do not assume that because there is a child involved that we're looking for a meal ticket. I support my child and she's a lucky little girl. Luckier than most. I'm financially responsible for her and that's the way I like it. It makes me feel good to be the bread winner.

It makes me empowered and is a life lesson for her. She's proud of me. Besides, you should be able to spot a gold digger when you see one or you're dating with blinders on. Many of my girlfriends are telling me the same thing. We feel as if we've reached the "invisible" age. Not old enough to be respected for our wisdom but not young or attractive enough to be dateable.

I went through a stage where I had a face full of Botox and at one point had so much Restylane injected into my lips and around my mouth that I could hardly move my face. Sure, I was wrinkle free and had big fat movie star lips but lost all the character in my face. I wasn't me. I couldn't laugh with the same bravado that I love in my laugh.

Now I'm not saying I wouldn't do it again at some point and believe me when finances allow I'm all about getting some stuff nipped, tucked, lifted, repositioned or well hell, they can just pull it all to the top of my head, lob it off and make a new person out of the extra skin! Clone me, whatever. I did it so I'd feel better and look rested but I won't do it to be dateable. If and when I ever meet Mr. Right, Mr. I want to spend the rest of my life with this man then I'll have it all done and and know that he fell in love with me.

This is not a solicitation for dates by the way - just another one of my running commentaries on life as I see it so it must then be an authoritative observation right?)

But it has been on mind since my friend has been killing herself to set me up and this blog is basically a long winded response to the question I hate most from people. What's a pretty, smart woman like you not doing dating? I just can't believe someone like you doesn't have men ringing the phone off the hook. I'm tired of being told to get out there. Jump in the water -get your feet wet, etc.

This needs to be said to my sisterhood of middle aged women. The women, who get together on the weekend and see movies, play cards, or just make margaritas and tell bawdy jokes. Single moms like me who get together and bring our girls to a museum (which Logan hated and told me she didn't even know who Rembrandt was so why did she care what he drew?), art gallery or symphony so they'll grow up to be well rounded intelligent women.

You are awesome. I am one of you. I am so proud of who you've grown up to be….wrinkles and all.